by Kathryn Sparks

Doing the ‘right’ thing can be a total pain sometimes. For example, in a misunderstanding with a loved one, I know that the mature, responsible, and compassionate choice is to reconcile, reconnect, or simply attempt to understand each other. Sometimes, though, the ‘correct’ choice feels horrible, doesn’t it? Sometimes we just want to scream into the void, run away and disappear into the forest, or break everything in sight to rid us of that discomfort, pain, and apprehension. Believe me, I get it. I want to posit, however, that the discomfort and pain we feel is not tied to the correct choice, but rather to our own fears of being open and vulnerable. All of that to say, it might feel extremely uncomfortable, unbearably so at times, but that discomfort is merely a sign that we are growing as people. 

Let me present you with a situation: Mary and Andy are good friends. Mary has been feeling very stressed at work and home lately, and she reacts to that by withdrawing, leaving Andy in the dark. Andy, unaware of Mary’s situation, is hurt by her sudden absence from his life. Now, neither Mary nor Andy is wrong here. Mary is entitled to her space and boundaries, and Andy has a right to feel how he feels. The important part is what happens next. It might be really tempting for Andy to get angry and lash out at Mary, or to decide, ‘Fine! She can live without me so easily then she gets to!’ and run away. Mary, for her part, could avoid the conversation, prolonging the disconnect, or react in anger to Andy’s hurt feelings. Those choices would be fear-based, ego-driven choices because it is less scary to assume the worst and react accordingly than to confront the potential of vulnerability and admit what is actually happening. 

So, what would the ‘correct’ choice be? Honestly, there is no one right answer. Both people need to use their discernment to decide what the right decision is for them as individuals and in how they see the future together. How can the most growth happen? By being open and accountable, Andy and Mary can clear the air and respect each other’s needs. Andy might feel uncomfortable expressing his hurt to Mary out of fear of rejection or even confirmation of rejection. Mary might be uncomfortable with sharing her vulnerability regarding work stress and her difficulty coping with it. Where does this discomfort come from?  

Humans are creatures of habit, and we love patterns and predictability. Our brains unconsciously remember patterns and reactions as a means to protect us from future hurt, and this comes into our awareness as anxiety or fear. In other words, humans are more afraid of the potential for pain than the actual pain itself (most of the time). Our brain and nervous system mean well, but unconsciously repeating old habits and patterns inhibits growth and the ability to recognize our wounds and heal them. Andy, with his fear of rejection, feels very scared and uncomfortable admitting to Mary how much he values her communications because, in the past, he was dismissed or taught to feel shame about his feelings and needs. Mary, for her part, might have grown up in a house where she had to suppress her emotions and was never taught how to manage them in healthy ways. Andy expressing his emotions on top of her own stress might leave Mary feelings suffocated and frantic to escape. So how can our friends find healing and growth together?  

The best way to heal is to confront a triggering situation, reacting from a conscious level instead of relying on old patterns, and experiencing a new, safer result. Andy could express his hurt in a neutral, non-blaming way such as by saying, “Hey, I understand life is busy, but I really miss our connection. Can we get back on track?” This is not aggressive or expressing resentment or blame. Mary could acknowledge Andy’s feelings and offer an explanation. By both expressing their views in respectful and considerate ways, Andy and Mary can validate each other and work towards a more mutually fulfilling relationship.  

Essentially, to heal we must confront our fears and experience a healthier result. Now, the reason I use ‘right’ at the beginning of this blog is because sometimes the best course of action is to disengage. In situations with emotional or physical abuse, there is a point where a person must absolutely cut off contact and choose their own peace and safety. Life is nuanced. Leaving a connection can absolutely be heartbreaking and painful and result in beautiful growth as well. The main point is that healing requires us to be vulnerable to the people in our lives, to experience situations that make us uncomfortable and have a different reaction and result. It is always vital to keep your own personal safety and health at the forefront.  

The people in our lives can act as mirrors, holding up to us the very wounds that need healing and places we need growth. By working together compassionately, we can help each other be the very best and healthiest versions of ourselves. Despite the fear, I challenge each of you to be vulnerable and open with your loved ones instead of acting out of fear. You never know what surprising or beautiful result could arise.  

by Kathryn Sparks

The world is more connected than it has ever been thanks to the invention of the internet, satellites, and cellular phones. It is easier than ever to get ahold of someone if you want to...but is that necessarily a good thing?  Unfortunately, the rise in such convenient communication has also led to complete availability burn-out. The boundaries between home and work are more blurred than before. Vacations used to be a time to live in the moment and disconnect, but with our phones constantly by our side, is that just a fond memory? What should we as cognizant people do about it? 

The constant communication has made expectations in various relationships practically unreachable. How can I, as an aware person, both live in the moment and also be on call to friends and family? We know people who are constantly on their phones and yet do not respond efficiently to our messages. The brain starts to work in overdrive: is she tired of me? If he really cared, wouldn’t he respond more quickly? Jumping to conclusions, mostly conforming to our negative bias, is all too easy. I am going to posit that this line of thinking has no benefits to us whatsoever. 

There was a statistic that stuck with me: when we communicate with someone orally, 70% of our communication is non-verbal. That means our words only account for 30% of the message we are sending. Body language, tone, facial expressions all add up to the majority. In both e-mails and text messages, that means the majority of the message is completely lost. It makes sense now why texts can so often be misunderstood and misinterpreted, even among people who care very much about each other. If someone has anxiety or tends to overthink situations, it is simply a nightmare waiting to happen. Since we have no non-verbal clues during texting or e-mails, our brains analyze what little information there is to go on. There have been endless Tik-Toks and Instagram posts about how people with anxiety interpret text messages differently: what does that period imply? Why aren’t there any exclamation marks? Emojis can sometimes add a little context, but even those can be taken in different ways. Is there no winning? 

Humans crave connection. From the moment of our first breath to our last, we constantly seek out others and communicate with them to the best of our abilities. What we have now, however, is a world in which we are more connected than ever but also more isolated too. Texting is a fantastic way to keep in touch with people near and far, but even I, an avid texting queen, admit it falls short in a lot of ways. There is no substitute for a voice, a face, and all the non-verbal communication pathways. An actual phone call would be much better, especially a video call, yet who has the time for that anymore? Our lives are chaotic and busy, filled with things that perhaps aren’t imperative in the long run. Yet amidst the mayhem, how many of us can step back and see it for what it is? 

I remember when my husband and I were first married, we would intentionally not use our phones on vacations. This was before our phones connected wirelessly everywhere, so it was much easier to use that as an excuse to be unavailable. I really looked forward to those moments because it was just us, no outside influences or distractions. Did we get lost occasionally? Yes, absolutely. Was it inconvenient sometimes? Sure was. There is something to be said about taking those breaks and being fully present with the people in your life, however. The texts can wait, the Instagram posts can wait, but the people you get to interact and connect with might not. 

My challenge for you is to ease up a bit on the time you spend looking at your phone. Even if it is just for an hour or two at night, take the time to disconnect. When you do, you are able to be so much more present in your life and connected to yourself. So many of us use our screens as a way to numb out, to forget about real life. I have been guilty of doing just that. The problems or situations that stress me out are not going to magically disappear, however. I am hoping that by choosing to be more present in the now in my life, I can make a difference not just for me, but for my loved ones around me.  

by Kathryn Sparks

I don’t think it is a surprise to anyone that we as a collective have been struggling in recent years. I don’t even think it is necessary to give examples of what has caused this increased stress and exhaustion because, well, just look at everything we’ve been through globally. This is on a collective scale, never mind all the personal triumphs and tragedies each of us has endured in addition. It’s been a lot. To quote young people everywhere, “I can’t even.” So why am I bringing this up now? Mainly, I wish to address the buzzword of “self-care” and dig deeper into what that really means and how we can use it.  

What even is self-care? When I first heard this term, images of nail salons, massages, and bubble baths popped into my head. Is self-care synonymous with a pleasant day at the spa? The answer is: absolutely not. Despite how the media portrays self-care, you do not need to shell out hundreds of dollars or take a day off work (although you can if it calls to you!). At its core, self-care is taking time to nourish yourself in whatever way brings you joy and fulfillment. Full stop. There is no one-fit way to engage in self-care and making it yet another box to check-off on an already overfull schedule won’t cut it either. 

Do me a favor, will you? Take a deep breath in, and then another. Close your eyes as you continue to breathe normally. How do you feel right now in this moment? There is no right or wrong answer. Now ask yourself: what do I need right now? How can I best nourish and fulfill myself at this moment? See what comes to you. When you have some ideas, envision yourself engaging in them. Pay attention to how visualizing it makes you feel. Do you feel joy, hope, excitement, or relaxation? Great! If it doesn’t make you feel a positive emotion, try something else. There is no one-fit answer, and it can change by the day. The point is that self-care is about reconnecting with yourself in all aspects (physically, emotionally, energetically, and spiritually), and engaging in a practice that nourishes you at a soul level.  

Self-care will not look the same for every person, and it will even change from day to day for each of us! For some of us, it could look like going on a walk or run. For others, going outside in the sunlight and connecting with nature feels especially fulfilling. At Minot Mist, my colleagues and I have talked about a myriad of ways to practice self-care. For Monica, this looks like taking the time for a cold plunge every day. For Karen, it includes meditative coloring and connecting with nature. Cindy likes to spend time writing, and Karyn takes walks on the beach and practices yoga. Tamara makes sure to get a run in, and as for me? It could be knitting, reading, exercising, or meditating in the sunshine. The point is, there are so many ways to take care of yourself. Sometimes the hardest part is choosing which one! 

My hope for all of you is that you get to connect in with yourself each day and make the time to nourish your own being, however that looks to you. Find the things that bring you joy and don’t let them go. So often, all the demands of life press down on us. There are never-ending to-dos and obligations to attend to. However, I often remind myself that life should also be joyful and fulfilling. Why spend the time you have on earth doing things you don’t want to do and feeling miserable? Life is short, let’s enjoy it. 

Self-Care Suggestions: (only you know what brings you nourishment!) 

1. Meditation 

2. Yoga 

3. Nature 

4. Exercise 

5. Hot cup of tea or coffee 

6. Cold-plunge 

7. Creative endeavor 

8. Reading 

9. Connecting with loved ones 

10. Coloring Mandalas 

11. Breathwork 

12. Oracle cards 

13. Bubble bath (it can’t hurt!) 

14. Trying something new 

15. Technology break 

16. Journaling 

17. Petting a dog, cat, or other beloved animal 

By Kathryn Sparks

Cold-plunging has been on so many tongues recently. Publications such as the Wall Street Journal and New York Times have even published articles about it. Last Sunday morning, despite the positively frigid weather, I saw people lined up on the beach at Nantasket to participate in this ritual. They don robes over their swimsuits, wear hats, and slowly enter into the glacial ocean together. I’ve been told by the participants that it helps them gain clarity and feel empowered in a supportive community setting. 

Here at Minot Mist, several of my coworkers swear by the experience and its benefits. From my perspective, it sounds absolutely miserable. First of all, I am perpetually cold, so doing something that will intentionally make me colder seems vastly unpleasant. Secondly, as a mother of three young kids, my free time is exceedingly precious. However, I was curious about the appeal and asked Monica Martin, the Founder of Minot Mist, for her perspective. She provided a very personal and compelling reasoning: 

“It helps me overcome mental blockages. All the fear that comes up in the body, which is pain and is difficult to move, is rising up to be released... Doing something drastic like getting in a cold temperature helps overcome mental blockages because we can do hard things. As I walk in the water, I am reminding myself that I can do hard things, that I am courageous and am going to move through whatever it is I need to move through... I can get in this water and dunk in this water and get out, and I will feel lifted up by it. It will alchemize some of that heavy energy.” 

Having seen first-hand the benefit Monica and others receive from this exercise of will, I wanted to experience that cathartic release for myself. Luckily, Monica has a beautiful plunge tub on her House on the Rock property in Scituate, which is available for use by members of Minot Mist Center as well as those on retreats at House on the Rock. 

A Visit to House on the Rock

I visited Monica’s house on a Tuesday that was sunny and about 35°F, which wasn’t too cold for New England. House on the Rock has a whole beautiful spa set-up, and I was excited to be able to experience different elements of it. Monica and I started, however, with the cold plunge. I was not sure I would be able to do it, but I was definitely willing to give it a shot! 

The first thing Monica did was talk me through the process and answer any questions I had. The House is well appointed with comfy bath robes and towels. Monica even has special robes specifically for cold plunges. We changed into our swimsuits, donned our robes, and headed outside. The scenery is quite beautiful, perched on the banks of Gulph River amidst a marsh, a mere two miles from the Atlantic Ocean. The cold plunge tub receives its water from the adjacent pond and waterfall, making the endeavor quite sustainable. 

Monica explained that we would start slowly, by removing our robes and standing up to our knees in the tub on a ledge as a way to acclimate our bodies to the cold. After a few minutes at that level, we would then proceed to immerse our bodies fully in the icy water. I placed the warm, fuzzy robe on the surrounding rocks in preparation to trepidatiously step into the water. 

The Cold Plunge Experience

The outside air was actually not unpleasant in the sun, but the cold water immediately felt like icy knives on my feet and legs. It brought me back to a time when I was a child outside of Banff, Canada, when we stuck our feet in glacial runoff. Back then, it was a competition to see who could last longest. This day, however, there would be no such competition. Instead of becoming used to the temperature and sensation, the pain in my legs started to increase. Within seconds, my feet began screaming. 

Monica was talking me through it, explaining how to ease into it and let it happen. My body had different ideas though, and I ended up only going up to my knees. I stayed in for a minute, but that was enough for me. It was a good reminder that not all techniques work for everyone, and it underscores the importance of listening to your own body. 

Monica, on the other hand, completed her immersion in the water—managing two dunks! She told me that a lot of people don’t dunk their heads and keep hats on to retain heat, but she prefers to plunge her entire body. Given how difficult it was for me to put part of my legs in, I was thoroughly impressed by her stamina and bravery. 

Warming Up & Reflecting

Upon exiting the tub, we headed over to the hot tub to warm up. (The spa at House on the Rock deserves its own separate post—stay tuned!) It felt amazing to be in warm water after that cold shock. Monica expressed a feeling of release followed by absolute clarity. I was still cold. Sitting in the hot tub was its own beautiful experience as we were able to connect and talk about our work, our experiences, and ideas for the future. The sweetest part for me, however, might have been the four goats coming by for a pet and a visit.

Despite not being “successful” in my first—and so far only—cold plunge attempt, I feel so much gratitude for having the opportunity to try something new and different. That’s a lot of what Minot Mist is about: making connections and expanding horizons. I don’t feel a sense of failure at all, just a peace that although the ritual might not be for me, it can benefit a myriad of other people. 

Final Thoughts

In this world, maintaining practices that bring us inner peace and calm is more important than ever. I am grateful that Minot Mist and House on the Rock exist in a capacity to enable others, like myself, to experience a wide range of new things—whether that’s the invigorating shock of a cold plunge, or simply sharing meaningful moments with supportive community members. 

Interested in Trying a Cold Plunge?

• Consult with a healthcare provider first if you have any underlying medical conditions. 

• Start small by standing knee-deep for a short time. 

• Warm up safely immediately afterward (hot tub, sauna, or cozy layers). 

• Listen to your body—everyone’s tolerance is different. 

Author’s Note: Cold-plunging isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay! For some, it’s a brilliant way to gain mental clarity, conquer physical challenges, and experience a supportive community.

About the Author: Kathryn is the Director of Communications and PR at Minot Mist Center. She is an ordained priest in the Order of Melchizedek, a psychic medium, and an Usui Reiki Master. Coming from a background in Education, she studied Medieval Studies and Romance Languages, is a lover of all forms of creative expression, and is terribly devoted to her cats. When Kathryn is not baking, knitting, or reading like a grandmother, she enjoys long walks in nature, meditation, travelling, and listening to music, especially Taylor Swift.