COMMUNICATION
by Kathryn Sparks
The world is more connected than it has ever been thanks to the invention of the internet, satellites, and cellular phones. It is easier than ever to get ahold of someone if you want to...but is that necessarily a good thing? Unfortunately, the rise in such convenient communication has also led to complete availability burn-out. The boundaries between home and work are more blurred than before. Vacations used to be a time to live in the moment and disconnect, but with our phones constantly by our side, is that just a fond memory? What should we as cognizant people do about it?
The constant communication has made expectations in various relationships practically unreachable. How can I, as an aware person, both live in the moment and also be on call to friends and family? We know people who are constantly on their phones and yet do not respond efficiently to our messages. The brain starts to work in overdrive: is she tired of me? If he really cared, wouldn’t he respond more quickly? Jumping to conclusions, mostly conforming to our negative bias, is all too easy. I am going to posit that this line of thinking has no benefits to us whatsoever.
There was a statistic that stuck with me: when we communicate with someone orally, 70% of our communication is non-verbal. That means our words only account for 30% of the message we are sending. Body language, tone, facial expressions all add up to the majority. In both e-mails and text messages, that means the majority of the message is completely lost. It makes sense now why texts can so often be misunderstood and misinterpreted, even among people who care very much about each other. If someone has anxiety or tends to overthink situations, it is simply a nightmare waiting to happen. Since we have no non-verbal clues during texting or e-mails, our brains analyze what little information there is to go on. There have been endless Tik-Toks and Instagram posts about how people with anxiety interpret text messages differently: what does that period imply? Why aren’t there any exclamation marks? Emojis can sometimes add a little context, but even those can be taken in different ways. Is there no winning?
Humans crave connection. From the moment of our first breath to our last, we constantly seek out others and communicate with them to the best of our abilities. What we have now, however, is a world in which we are more connected than ever but also more isolated too. Texting is a fantastic way to keep in touch with people near and far, but even I, an avid texting queen, admit it falls short in a lot of ways. There is no substitute for a voice, a face, and all the non-verbal communication pathways. An actual phone call would be much better, especially a video call, yet who has the time for that anymore? Our lives are chaotic and busy, filled with things that perhaps aren’t imperative in the long run. Yet amidst the mayhem, how many of us can step back and see it for what it is?
I remember when my husband and I were first married, we would intentionally not use our phones on vacations. This was before our phones connected wirelessly everywhere, so it was much easier to use that as an excuse to be unavailable. I really looked forward to those moments because it was just us, no outside influences or distractions. Did we get lost occasionally? Yes, absolutely. Was it inconvenient sometimes? Sure was. There is something to be said about taking those breaks and being fully present with the people in your life, however. The texts can wait, the Instagram posts can wait, but the people you get to interact and connect with might not.
My challenge for you is to ease up a bit on the time you spend looking at your phone. Even if it is just for an hour or two at night, take the time to disconnect. When you do, you are able to be so much more present in your life and connected to yourself. So many of us use our screens as a way to numb out, to forget about real life. I have been guilty of doing just that. The problems or situations that stress me out are not going to magically disappear, however. I am hoping that by choosing to be more present in the now in my life, I can make a difference not just for me, but for my loved ones around me.
